The Ideal Greeting

“The ideal suture material is one that allows secure knot tying without slippage, provokes little tissue reaction, does not increase the risk of infection, retains enough tensile strength until the healing process has laid down sufficient collagen and connective tissue to restore tissue integrity, and can be wholly reabsorbed by the body. Such a material does not exist.”

But what if an ideal greeting were to exist?

In our education, we have encountered many “ideals” that exist more in theory than in practice, the ideal suture material, the ideal gas, the ideal conditions for countless scientific principles. These ideals serve as benchmarks and aspirational standards against which reality is measured, yet they remain perpetually out of reach. Now, as debates intensify about greeting customs, especially in our part of the world, to prostrate or not to prostrate, to kneel or not to kneel, it is worth asking what would constitute an ideal greeting. And like the ideal suture material or the ideal gas, does such a thing truly exist?

Greetings are complex cultural artifacts shaped by language, religion, tradition, and social hierarchy. Across the world, they take remarkably different forms. Among some communities, greeting may involve striking cheeks in ritual camaraderie. In many West African cultures, younger people prostrate fully before elders as a sign of deep respect. In parts of East Asia and within certain African communities, kneeling expresses reverence. Meanwhile, the casual “Hello” of English speaking cultures or the warm “Aloha” of Hawaii seem almost startlingly simple by comparison. Each greeting carries centuries of meaning, embedded social codes, and expectations about respect, age, and status.

But what makes a greeting truly ideal?

An ideal greeting, I would argue, must pass what we might call the vibe test. It should facilitate genuine human connection rather than create anxiety or social paralysis. It should be simple enough that one does not freeze in uncertainty, wondering whether the person before them is older, younger, or of higher status, and which elaborate ritual must therefore be performed. Too often, we cannot separate the communicative act from the physical practice. The slap, the prostration, the kneeling become inseparable from the greeting itself, turning what should be a moment of connection into a performance fraught with the possibility of social misstep.

The enforcement of greeting customs also reveals much about power dynamics in our societies. Many insist on being greeted in particular ways. They expect prostration, demand kneeling, and require elaborate verbal formulations. Yet these same expectations can mysteriously evaporate when the greeter is perceived to be wealthy or influential. Suddenly, a handshake or simple nod suffices. The ideal of respect embedded in tradition gives way to another ideal, the deference accorded to wealth and status. This inconsistency suggests that greeting customs often function less as pure expressions of respect and more as mechanisms for reinforcing hierarchy.

Perhaps an ideal greeting should carry within it a blessing, a genuine wish for the other person’s wellbeing, like the Islamic “As salaamu alaykum,” meaning peace be upon you, or the Hebrew “Shalom,” meaning peace. These greetings function as miniature prayers. They transcend acknowledgment and offer substance, a hope, a benediction, words that echo the greeting of the dwellers of Paradise, uncomplicated by earthly hierarchies.

My grandmother, in her younger years, would have insisted on being prostrated before or knelt to. It was the proper form, the expected sign of respect. Now, in her advanced age, with hearing diminished and sight fading, I must move close enough for her to hear my voice. I hold her hands while greeting her so she can be sure through touch that it is indeed me, that I am truly present. In that moment, elaborate prescriptions fall away. What remains is the essence of greeting, presence, recognition, connection, love.

Perhaps that is the answer. The ideal greeting, like the ideal suture material, does not exist as a fixed and universal form but as something flexible. Unlike that impossible suture, however, the ideal greeting does not need to be uniform. It adapts. It is simple when simplicity serves connection and elaborate when ritual carries meaning, but always bending toward the human need at its center, to see and be seen, to acknowledge and be acknowledged, to hold and be held in genuine recognition. It should go with a wave from afar, a handshake in haste, hug or a warm embrace.

by Muhammad O.S